"A Feminist's Guide to Dating (Some) Men and (Some) Women."
But, that's not as catchy. I can't help it, I like The Feminist Guide to Dating Men better, and the feeling of needing or wanting that and the discussions that arose from that need/want are what led me to think about all of this stuff in the first place - so, alas, misnamed from birth. There are some interesting things already on the internet if you google Feminist Guide to Dating...I found inspiration (sort of) from these:
Sort of, because, J. Courtney Sullivan was clearly dealing with some of the same issues I am (we are?), but she managed to find someone...that's inspiring, reassuring, great for her, and also, doesn't really help me understand why I haven't found that. Doesn't help me understand that any more than my decidedly anti-Feminist phobias do, I mean.
(Anti-Feminist dating phobias that make me certain I will be alone forever: "I'm too fat", "I talk too much", "I self-sabotage by spending all of my time with gay men", "I'm too picky", "I'm too intimidating", "I'm too smart"...there's really a whole list...anyone who knows me will assure me those things aren't true. I assure you, those things aren't true. That doesn't actually matter.)
And as for the Jaclyn Friedman piece, if she has to compromise her principles a little bit in order to get laid, how can I expect to not have to compromise mine? But, reassuring, I'm not a sell-out for compromising my principles in order to get laid, from time to time.
So, sort of inspiring. Definitely worth reading. And not necessarily what I intend for this blog to be about - but useful resources, nonetheless.
Well, enough about what I don't want this blog to be, this is the Preamble, which means I should be talking about what I do want it to be (and we'll see if that's what it actually turns into...best laid plans, and all). It's fairly straight forward, though. I want a place to talk about (and discuss, yay comments!) dating while Feminist. I want a place to fret about why it is that I find myself attracted to men who are "players" (and what that even means) and how counterintuitive that feels, and ponder my love of romantic comedies, given my strong feelings about how representation in media perpetuates problematic social relationships, and wonder if that's fucking me and my chance of having a healthy relationship up. I want to talk about things like how to decide when putting up with someone's bullshit* politics/ideas is giving them the benefit of the doubt/compromising in a healthy way, and when it's just selling out. I also want to talk about my experiences online dating, because I learned a lot, and didn't make much progress, and feel like I have things I could share that might help my friends fare better than I did. And pretty much anything else that comes up that has to do with Feminism, and dating and sex and whatever I'm thinking about in those departments.
I was going to write a musical about all of these things. That's what I do. I write musicals. I have a love/hate relationship with blogs - like, does anyone care? Isn't this a giant ego-trip? And where do I come off thinking I have the authority to talk about any of this stuff with, well, authority? But, insecurity is not the stuff that dreams are made of, and probably related to some kind of backlash from living in a decidedly anti-women-having-a-strong-opinion-about- these-kinds-of-things culture...And, I'm not ready to write a musical (or novel, or essay, or article for Variety, or whatever) about all of this just yet, and I'm sort of hoping the blog will be a preamble in an of itself. A way to test it all out. And a lot of people encouraged me to blog, and about this specifically, so here goes:
The (Implying definitive. Please...Remember what I said about having authority? Let's go with: My) Feminist Guide (/plea for help) to Dating (and/or sleeping with) Men (and women).
*I probably shouldn't call anyone's ideas bullshit, even if I think they are. I actually really want to keep the comments/tone of this blog inclusive, and open minded, and try not to further problematic things in society by using language that is heteronormative, or racist, or classist, or sexist, or ableist or other things that I'm already disrespecting by leaving off the list. But, I'm not perfect, so probably, I'll mess up sometimes. Or just not notice I've done it. But, I will monitor comments for things that I feel are against this ideal. Or deconstructive. Or bullshit. See, I did it again, I called ideas that differ from my own bullshit. That's sort of the whole point.
